The last few hours waiting...

I went to have my beta blood test today. I still don't know the results yet. I was so nervous driving there because I stuck to my guns and didn't take a pregnancy test. And though I am dying to know the results I don't want to waste any $ on a pee test when I should find out in a few hours from my blood test.

1 week to go... to the results!

I have survived one week of the 2 week wait. This 2 week wait has been much better. I am hardly thinking about the wait at all. It does creep into my mind from time to time. I think "I could be pregnant right now." Or when making an appointment to highlight my hair I wonder if I should since I could be pregnant. Today I felt extra swollen and probably could pass as three months pregnant already and I think am I carrying triplets. haha. I think this time around has been better for several reasons.

[1] I have been through it once before (well during IVF anyway)
[2] When you think about it, 2 weeks really isn't that long (unless you are a kid waiting for Christmas)
[3] I have been able to do fun activities with family to keep me busy
[4] Not taking pregnancy tests everyday
[5] There are other things and activities that I have to look forward to coming up.
[6] Christmas is right around the corner!

John 2

Hi!  It's John Again.  As Erin mentioned we are now playing the waiting game.  Waiting has never been one of my strengths and without having school work to occupy my mind, I feel as if I'm going a little crazy.

However, how "aw-shum" (as my nephew would say) would it be to find out Erin was pregnant just before Christmas!  No presents needed as that would be the best gift ever!  Celebrating our Lord's birthday with the news of another upcoming birthday!

Whatever the results, may God use this to bring us closer to Him, whatever the cost!

John William

And now we wait...

Today was the transfer and it went well. Well, at least as good as these types of things can go. I mean it is never a fun experience. If you are a woman you have been to the gyno, just imagine that appt.  x10 but then those of you who have had a baby are one up on me. I figure if I can't take the transfers then I definitely can't take what is to come with childbirth. However, if I am lucky enough to have more than one baby at the same time I might end up with a c-section. If I am blessed with a pregnancy then I will do whatever is necessary for the safe delivery of my children.

We headed to the hospital at about 10:15 am and got there at about 11:00 am. I took my Valium in the car on the way to the hospital and it kicked in within about 10 minutes. It made me quite dizzy and sleepy. After we parked the car we went inside. I was swerving down the halls to the Endoscopy area and a nurse stopped John to ask him if I needed a wheelchair. Haha. I can only imagine how drunk I looked. It was nice of her to ask though I was kinda embarrassed. As soon as I was ready to go back to the transfer area the pill had kinda worn off. I was walking down the hall with my nurse Judy (awesome lady) and I told her I thought I was okay. Then she opened the door and I kinda had to take a step backwards and stumbled a bit. She laughed at me and said, "I guess you can do forward, but you're not so good at reverse." And she was right.

Dr. Thomas, did the transfer and though it was extremely painful it was pain that lasted less than the pain that occurred the last time Dr. Lindheim did the transfer. Apparently my uterus is at a weird angle. I know, I know probably too much information. We asked him if we could use all 3 of our remaining embryos left over from the last fresh cycle and he said yes. If we weren't able to use it, it would have been discarded anyway as it couldn't be refrozen so I was wanting and willing to give it a shot at becoming a baby. The third embryo was only 1 cell so I am not sure if it is strong enough to survive, but we shall see soon enough. The other 2 embryos were 4 cells. I have no idea what that means exactly, but the last ones that didn't work in the fresh cycle were 8 cells. It really doesn't matter what grade and size they are the doctors have said that the best and worst quality embryos have both survived to make babies and really ultimately it is up to God. The RE doctors try to use the best quality embryos.

Now, I sit here with my three little embryo babies, I guess, floating around in my uterus. It is so weird to think about them being in there. For most women, they have no idea that there are actually embryos in them trying to implant when they are procreating the "normal" way. And because of my knowledge of this it makes the next 2 weeks extremely challenging to be patient and wait.

One last note: As I was laying on my stomach for the 1/2 hour wait after the transfer was complete, John looks up and on one of the cabinets was a magnet that looked like a giant bug. I had noticed it too. John was like what the heck is a bug doing in here. He picked it up to look at it closer and apparently it was a fertility goddess shaped like a bug lady (not a lady bug).

This is what we saw on the cabinet door.

This is what it looked like up close. I think she looks like triplets might be in there!

The Power of Positivity

I have recently changed the name of my blog from http://fallopianfailure.blogspot.com to http://barrenbutbelieving.blogspot.com. I was recently informed that calling it fallopian failure is not the positivity that I need for this process. I guess I would have to agree. I believe that God is powerful to do anything He wants to do include giving a woman such as myself with 2 bum fallopian tubes a baby or two or three. Now, I am also realistic that God may have other plans for us that does not include having children biologically or any children for that matter. I am trying to trust the Lord in this and at the same time have a hopeful positive attitude that we will one day be parents both biologically and through adoption.

With the transfer happening tomorrow I am excited... not about the actual procedure as that really sucked last time, but I am excited about seeing the pictures of my embryos and the reality that they could become children. I am excited about taking the Valium this time so that I can actually relax through the procedure and that my favorite doctor is the one doing it this time. Also, with this being the second round I am at least at this point more relaxed and less stressed about the 2 week wait. The wait is awful especially for someone like me who is extremely impatient. This time around I will not take a pregnancy test early and I plan to do some light exercise. I am hoping to be able to continue swimming laps but I am not sure I am able to.

I am also going to write a note here for John! These are the questions that I need him to ask the doctor in case I am out of it.

DEAR JOHN,

[1] Ask Dr. Thomas to let us transfer all 3 embryos instead of 2. And then we will have used all of our embryos!  :)

[2] Remind me to bring the Valium to the hospital

[3] Make me take it! I do not need to be brave this time.

[4] If I do something funny, videotape it cuz I can laugh at myself and then put it on this blog.

[5] Tell the doctor that I need more support on my feet so that my back is not out of whack!
John, if you have to you can hold my feet up the whole time so they are not dangling. Like that time you saved that woman in the car crash on the side of road. They prob. won't let you though because you would be in the way.

[6] Make sure when I get home I take my meds and the crinone gel. Oh and make me a sandwich!

[7] I would like to watch Modern Family Season 1 and 2 that I found on sale at Target on Black Friday.
That is if I am not asleep. After all I sit and type this at 4:30am

[8] Ask the nurse if I need to sit with my legs over my head like Phoebe did on Friends when she was having her brother's triplets. Also, you can come in the room with me. Talk to the nurse while we are waiting. I am afraid I will say stupid things while on the Valium.

[9] I may be somewhat emotional and stressed. Since I can't show emotion by crying, I get a little.... uh, well you know so be nice to me even if I am being unreasonable. I am very sorry in advance.

[10] I love you!

SEE YOU TOMORROW! I hope you are sleeping well!