It is funny that life is all about waiting. The older I get the more I realize that God uses waiting to strengthen and deepen our relationship with Him.
Everyone has to wait for things. Children have to wait to finally be grown up; wait for that special toy; wait for your time-out to be over (3 minutes can be so long when you are 3 yrs. old); Adolescences and adults wait to finish high school and then college; wait to find out if you were hired for your dream job; wait for your house to sell; wait for the results of a test; or more scary wait for the results for medical tests; wait to pass kidney stones; wait to heal from the flu; wait to turn 16 so you can finally date and drive a car; wait for God to show you who is your one true love by falling in love and getting married; wait to work things out with your husband or wife; wait for reconciliation with friends, family and spouses; wait for your divorce to be final; wait to heal from divorce; wait for that much anticipated vacation; wait to get pregnant; wait to hear a heartbeat; wait to see if the baby is healthy; wait to give birth; wait to recover from childbirth; wait to lose the baby weight; wait for an adoption to be final; wait to see if the birth mother will change her mind; wait for foster care license to be finalized; when you have children, wait and worry about who they will grow up to be and if you did a good job parenting; wait for those same children to come home on time from dates...
The waiting cycle continues and goes on and on and on... constantly waiting for God's timing on everything (not to mention waiting for everyone to tell you that all you need to do is wait on God's timing... duh);
Waiting for God to show you answers to certain prayers; waiting for God to show you your ministry/purpose in life...
We are currently in the waiting game with so many other people – just for different things.
Remember that no matter what your wait is for that others are struggling too and need just as much support as you.
My waiting game right now is waiting to miscarry. The doctor said that I would – the baby has no heartbeat. Is the doctor right? He must be, he's the doctor. I have to wait for my blood hcg levels to go to zero from 16,000. That could takes weeks, the nurse told me on the phone a few days ago. The hardest part of all of this is the wait. I can't stand looking and feeling pregnant, yet there is no baby or possibly a dead baby inside of me – just waiting to come out. Two weeks ago, I was starting to feel proud to show off my growing baby bump and now I am trying to hide it. Hoping and praying that the weather remains cold so that I can still wear my baggy sweatshirts. Hoping and praying that I lose 10 lbs. immediately upon the miscarriage so that I can at least look and feel somewhat normal again.
I know for me, I never thought about this part of a miscarriage. Maybe most women just miscarry and were surprised to miscarry. With IVF, everything is monitored so closely that lucky for me? I get to find out earlier than most what is to happen in a few weeks. Some people would like to be prepared in such a way, but I would rather just get this over with. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday to check blood levels once again and another vaginal ultrasound (I can't wait for these to be over). I can't even count how many of those I have had in the last 6 months. It is one thing to get them knowing you will get to meet your baby in a few months, but it is horrible knowing it is just to check the progress of your miscarriage.
Wait wait wait...
What I tell myself during all these struggles is the same thing... God is in control and my life is very good despite this.
Everyone has to wait for things. Children have to wait to finally be grown up; wait for that special toy; wait for your time-out to be over (3 minutes can be so long when you are 3 yrs. old); Adolescences and adults wait to finish high school and then college; wait to find out if you were hired for your dream job; wait for your house to sell; wait for the results of a test; or more scary wait for the results for medical tests; wait to pass kidney stones; wait to heal from the flu; wait to turn 16 so you can finally date and drive a car; wait for God to show you who is your one true love by falling in love and getting married; wait to work things out with your husband or wife; wait for reconciliation with friends, family and spouses; wait for your divorce to be final; wait to heal from divorce; wait for that much anticipated vacation; wait to get pregnant; wait to hear a heartbeat; wait to see if the baby is healthy; wait to give birth; wait to recover from childbirth; wait to lose the baby weight; wait for an adoption to be final; wait to see if the birth mother will change her mind; wait for foster care license to be finalized; when you have children, wait and worry about who they will grow up to be and if you did a good job parenting; wait for those same children to come home on time from dates...
The waiting cycle continues and goes on and on and on... constantly waiting for God's timing on everything (not to mention waiting for everyone to tell you that all you need to do is wait on God's timing... duh);
Waiting for God to show you answers to certain prayers; waiting for God to show you your ministry/purpose in life...
We are currently in the waiting game with so many other people – just for different things.
Remember that no matter what your wait is for that others are struggling too and need just as much support as you.
My waiting game right now is waiting to miscarry. The doctor said that I would – the baby has no heartbeat. Is the doctor right? He must be, he's the doctor. I have to wait for my blood hcg levels to go to zero from 16,000. That could takes weeks, the nurse told me on the phone a few days ago. The hardest part of all of this is the wait. I can't stand looking and feeling pregnant, yet there is no baby or possibly a dead baby inside of me – just waiting to come out. Two weeks ago, I was starting to feel proud to show off my growing baby bump and now I am trying to hide it. Hoping and praying that the weather remains cold so that I can still wear my baggy sweatshirts. Hoping and praying that I lose 10 lbs. immediately upon the miscarriage so that I can at least look and feel somewhat normal again.
I know for me, I never thought about this part of a miscarriage. Maybe most women just miscarry and were surprised to miscarry. With IVF, everything is monitored so closely that lucky for me? I get to find out earlier than most what is to happen in a few weeks. Some people would like to be prepared in such a way, but I would rather just get this over with. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday to check blood levels once again and another vaginal ultrasound (I can't wait for these to be over). I can't even count how many of those I have had in the last 6 months. It is one thing to get them knowing you will get to meet your baby in a few months, but it is horrible knowing it is just to check the progress of your miscarriage.
Wait wait wait...
What I tell myself during all these struggles is the same thing... God is in control and my life is very good despite this.
Praying for you sweet friend!!
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