Thursday, September 8, 2011


I haven't really decided on whether or not I am comfortable sharing my journey of infertility and IVF with the world... but here goes!

John and I were married 7 years ago, March 2004. John wanted kids right away and I was still in college and very much opposed to the idea. I was 21 at the time and kids were the last thing on my mind. I wanted to do other things and finish my degree. I struggled with the idea of starting a family for a long time, avoiding the questions of "when are you two gonna have a baby?" My answer was always, "I want to finish college first and have a career." In my head thinking, "I don't want kids right now, and stop asking!" I love kids, don't get me wrong and I love, love, love, love my nieces and nephew. We have 5 total with the combined family and 1 more due in January (my sister's first boy, after 2 girls).

Well... I don't know what it was exactly that made me change my mind.

Maybe it was....
I love my family so much. I am one of four and I like having big, loud, crazy family get togethers.
I want to have the loving support system of family.
It would be a shame not to pass on the biggest blue eyes (John's) that I have ever seen.
John will be the best father in the world.
My niece Brooke (now 7) is just the nicest, cutest, sweetest child in the whole world and it has been so much fun to watch her grow. When it is just the 2 of us together, people think I am her mother (probably because I look exactly like my sister). It makes me proud... let's hope I get one just like her!
I get a glimpse of what my kids will be like from my nieces and nephew and I want that too.
I want to teach, grow, love and nourish – must be that mother instinct kicking in.
I think that to experience parenthood is to more closely know and understand God (My Savior and Creator).
If I can be half the mother my mother was to me then my kids will have the best mother!
I will strive to honor Christ in my parenting and above all tell my kids about what Jesus Christ has done for us.

Anyway... I am sure there are many more reasons that I decided that I really want to have a baby, but more importantly I see the bigger picture and want a very large family, whether that is through adoption, foster care, or biological or all three!

We have been on a silent journey to conceive for a few years. I have never been on birth control (until recently, for IVF... more on that later) and have never had an accidental pregnancy in the last 7 years. (though I don't believe in accidents, all children come from God). After secretly trying off and on for 3 years to get pregnant and being unsuccessful, we just knew that just maybe there was something wrong with one of both of us.

So.... the easiest thing to do was to get John tested, so we did. The result... 0% of normal sperm. I guess they were chasing their tails and everything else that you don't want to hear. The reason... low testosterone. The fix... clomid 1/2 a pill everyday. He has been taking that for over a year now.

We tried to conceive for a while after that thinking that would fix the problem as all his stuff was now perfectly normal. YAY!

I guess it was my turn now for the fun, invasive, poking and proding from a RE (reproductive endocrinologist). I got put on meds and we tried an IUI (failed) and I had a laparascopy and hysterascopy. Basically discovering that both fallopian tubes were failures due to scarring I had from a kidney valve reconstruction surgery I had as a kid. One was collapsed unable to open and the other twisted, swollen and leaking dye. The chances of getting pregnant were slim to none with slim resulting in most likely a tubal pregnancy.

The good news... I am a GREAT candidate for IVF.
The bad news.... it is really expensive!
The good news.... my husband makes decent money.
The bad news... it is pretty invasive and still there are no guarantees of taking home a baby,
The good news... We trust in the Lord, Jesus Christ will all of our heart and know without a shadow of a doubt that God is in control of our lives and will ultimately do what is best for us. We have faith (not that we will take home a baby) but that God's plan will be done no matter what we do!
It is nice to be rest assured in that fact!

Photos of John and me!

I have long hair now.

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